When I come home from a night out, I do everything so quietly. I turn off my car and coast into the driveway. I sneak in the basement door. I take off my clothes in the basement and tiptoe into the bedroom. I get in bed very slowly and quietly.
My wife always wakes up and yells at me and won’t talk to me the next day.
His friend looks at him and says you’re doing it all wrong. Before I leave the bar, I always buy a shot and pour it on myself even if I haven’t been drinking. I screech into the driveway and come in through the front door, closing it loudly.
I strip right next to the bed and climb in. Then I pat my wife on the butt and say,
“How ‘bout it babe?” She always pretends she’s asleep.